I always thought endings were easy. In high school, I would
write the end of an essay before going back and writing everything else.
I’m working on a comic book right now, and I know the last line and the last
frame. What I’m having trouble with is how to get there. It’s concerning to me,
then, that I have spent so much time trying to figure out a suitable ending for
my 10 Days of Marvel Challenge. So many ideas rushed through my head about what I had left to say, or if anybody would even want to hear anything else from me. Do I talk about Age of Ultron? Do I summarize what I
just spent the last 10 days writing about? Do I just completely ignore an ending and move
on to something else?
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| I mean, it worked for The Sopranos. |
The Guru Maximus called. We had an hour long discussion about Age of Ultron, Spartacus, Agents of
S.H.I.E.L.D., Arrow, Daredevil, AKA Jessica Jones, and Infinity War. He argued his points, I argued mine, and we made our ancestors proud. Or weep. One of them. My throat was sore, my mind
was tired, and yet I want nothing more than to call him back and talk for six
more hours about this trivial nonsense. Because it’s fun. So that’s what I’m
going to do with my final post to cap off the 10 Day Marvel Challenge. Have
Fun.
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| Even though I REALLY want to talk about this movie. |
Apologies
The List
I love when people disagree with me. I love when people have
opinions different from my own. It makes the world so much more fun! I can
barely stand me, let alone an army of people with the exact same mindset as me.
The idea behind this blog was never to convince you that Iron Man 3 was better than Guardians
of the Galaxy, because there is no objective, quantifiable way to do that.
This blog, and more importantly, the list, is rooted in how I personally feel
about these movies. Honestly, the order of my list sometimes depends on what I
have for breakfast.
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| "Have I made enough eggs yet? Can I come home?!" |
And look, a list is such an arbitrary way to organize
these movies. Sometimes, I like Captain America:
First Avenger better than Iron Man 3. Sometimes, The Avengers holds my top spot. Sometimes,
The Incredible Hulk is always at the
bottom.
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| Sorry, big guy. Make a better movie next time. |
The list looked fairly different before I started writing it, and it
will continue to change as I continue to grow as a person. So, I am sorry, nerd community, if
you decide to be a big bitch-baby because my list is not in unison with yours. You are entitled to your wrong opinions.
Green Lantern
While generally bashing DC throughout, there has been one
movie I have trashed more than all others (if you can even regard it as a movie).
Yes, I am talking about Man of Steel The
Dark Knight Rises Green Lantern.
In case it wasn’t obvious, I hold zero love in my cold, dark heart for that
movie. However, no matter how upset that film makes me, I can’t help but feel
sympathetic towards my brothers in the DC camp. With Green
Lantern, DC and Warner Bros. had the opportunity to create their own
cinematic universe back in 2011. Green
Lantern was to be their Iron Man.
Had Green Lantern been the critical
and box office success that the studio had dreamt, I could be sitting here
talking about how amazing the Justice
League movie is in comparison to Avengers:
Age of Ultron. Instead, Green Lantern
is what made the studio decide to take a darker tone with its movies, for
better or worse.
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| MAN OF STEEL IS YOUR FAULT!!!!! |
I was recently reminded by Cousin Chaos (my actual cousin; his
idea, not mine) that, as much as I relish knocking that film, it is still
technically a movie. And you know what? That’s something! I don’t think anybody
ever really sets out to make a bad movie (except Michael Bay). Sometimes, it’s
just the nature of the beast. Who am I to sit here and judge? So, I am sorry, Green Lantern, that you are such a
shitty movie that DC had to do a complete 180 for their future franchises. It
(probably) wasn’t your fault.
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| One more, for good measure. This is probably the most this movie has ever been searched. |
Scarlett Johansson
I think that the only other thing I bashed more than Green Lantern is Scarlett Johansson as
Black Widow. The Widow has become a really great character in the MCU, and all
I hoped for was an actress to bring her to life in the same way Evans,
Hemsworth, Ruffalo, and Downey have with their characters. Instead, I got Scar
Jo. I, however, am not an actor. I have absolutely no idea how difficult it is
to be sexy, while playing a badass, while spouting off one-liners with a cast
that completely embodies the characters in a way that I could never hope to. I
have a hard enough time figuring out how to get dressed in the morning. Having
seen her in interviews, I don’t think that Scarlett Johansson takes this
character for granted or is purposely torpedoing her performances. I think
she’s trying the best she can. So, I’m sorry, Scarlett Johansson, that Marvel
pulled a Snyder “style-over-substance” play clearly casted someone out of her
depth.
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| Somehow, I think she'll get over it. |
That’s really all I’ve got. Part of me thought I should
apologize to the readers for putting up with this for ten days, but come on. I
know you loved it.
Honorable Mentions
The Directors
Jon Favreau, Louis Leterrier, Kenneth Branagh, Joe Johnston,
Shane Black, Alan Taylor, Anthony and Joe Russo, Sean Gunn, and the boss
himself, Joss Whedon. There has been a lot of talk, especially with the recent departure of Edgar Wright, that Marvel just needs a meat suit with a pulse in
order to project the studio’s vision on screen. Interviews with Taylor and
Whedon, however, suggest that Marvel has an end game, but they as directors can take
whatever path they want to get there. The truth, as usual, is probably
somewhere in the middle. What I know is this: each of the ten films I watched
(eleven if you count Ultron) has a unique
feel and voice to it. Thor doesn’t
feel like The Avengers, which both
feel different from Iron Man. It is
my belief that without these men at the helm, the MCU would not have been
nearly as successful as it currently is. Now let’s work on getting a woman added to
this line up.
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| You done the impossible, you crazy bastard. |
Kevin Feige
It’s not necessarily a name that people would pair with
Marvel, but Feige has been the man to oversee the universe since its inception.
Feige plays the long game, figuring out what is going to go where, how it’s
going to connect, which characters should be introduced next, what to do with Spider-Man and Daredevil now that they are back home. It all goes through this
man. He’s basically Thanos. Only slightly less purple. He has an infinite number of plates
to spin, and an argument can (and has) been made that he hasn’t dropped one
yet. I mean, I’ve never walked out of a Marvel movie disappointed. With his
contract expiring soon, it will be interesting to see how much money Marvel is
willing to shell out to keep him on board. Whatever the price, Feige has proved
that he is worth it.
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| Pretty sure he's got the mind gem under that hat. |
The Future
We’re eleven movies in, with no signs of slowing down. We
have another Marvel release this year, and another ten movies scheduled to be
released by 2019. In addition, DC has finally decided to grow a pair (of testicles or ovaries; equality!) and get their cinematic universe off the ground. DC also has ten releases scheduled to be
released by 2020. And we have 20th Century Fox with six releases
between now and 2017. And we have the Marvel Television Universe. And we have
the DC Television Universe. I don’t know about you guys, but I already feel
exhausted trying to keep up with everything that I want to see. I guess an
argument can be made that I don’t have to watch everything (and honestly, if the civil case of Batman v. Superman: Courtroom Kerfuffle is as underwhelming as I think
it will be, I can basically write-off DC), but at that point, I give up my right
to be an indignant asshole. I will become the thing I hate the most: every
other internet troll. I at least want to be able to speak with some authority on these subjects.
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| "Near, far, wherever you are!" -Supes "Goddamn it, Clark!" -Bats |
All of this to say that I hope that after Infinity War Part 2, Marvel ends the
cinematic universe. If nothing else, at least give us a chance to catch our breath.
Everybody’s contracts will be up with that movie, you will have finally told
the story that you have been building since 2010 (Cosmic Cube reference in Iron Man 2), and I can’t imagine a movie
getting much bigger than a two-part war movie. Give us a break. Give us a
chance to miss you. Take some time off, come back in a couple of years and blow
our minds yet again. I love these movies, these characters, and this universe,
but damn, know when to walk away from the table, Marvel.
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| Basically, Infinity Wars is the Captain Planet movie we are all waiting for. |
“It’s not about me. It’s not about you. It’s not even about us. It’s
about legacy.”
As I sit here and try desperately to find the right words to
sum up my little project, my eyes wander around the room in which I have spent
most of this last week.
This is my room. This is where I get to sit and write
and create and be that naive 12-year-old kid watching Spider-Man for the first time. It was in this room that I sat and
talked to Guru Maximus on the phone for an hour about nothing that actually
mattered. I’m not sure if it was the glow in the dark Mjolnir on the wall, the Age of Ultron poster staring me down, or
the conversation about how many cast members of Arrow we have seen nude (more than you’d think), but something hit
me. Something made me realize that doing this, writing and arguing about
trivial nonsense, is exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life.
It doesn’t matter if I never get paid for it or never get internet famous. This
is something I am going to continue to do until I physically cannot do it
anymore. And that’s the Marvel legacy. It isn’t about making the most money or
the better movies or even breaking new ground. Marvel, in the same way that Jaws, Indiana Jones and Star Wars
did, is inspiring a generation to laugh in the face of impossibility and
become what we were truly meant to be: heroes of our own stories.
END
Well that was fun. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go
read a book. Or go outside. Maybe both! Thank you to everyone who has read even
half of one of these posts, a special thank you to everybody who stuck it out
through my entire writing exercise, and a super-mega-hyper-ultra-prefix thank
you to my wife-to-be for always supporting me through everything I do. While my
retrospective of the MCU has come to a close, I am nowhere close to being done.
I still have a few ideas up my sleeve that will (hopefully) make your blood
boil in a nerd-like rage. Check back in the coming weeks, folks.
I will return.
Be kind to each other.
-James
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| Because you can't have Marvel without a Stan Lee cameo. Good night, everybody! |
