Heroic Endeavor: A Guide to Prepping for Avengers: Infinity War

Did anyone else cry watching the Avengers: Infinity War trailer? No? Just me? Alright. Back when I saw Iron Man for the first time, I never would have dreamed that we would be here; 17 movies later making Avengers: Infinity War the most watched trailer in history. I think this trailer was the perfect combination of aural and visual stimulation such that it awakened certain autonomic responses in my physicality that would otherwise be cause for concern. That is to say: trailer was so awesome that it made me harder than a Catholic priest at a Little League game. Shit should come with a warning label.

“Okay Brock,” you think. “A raging hard-on I understand. I would be lying if I said I didn’t get a little hard/wet watching this trailer too. But tears? Are you some type of fopdoodle or something?” Probably, but not because of this. For me, the trailer served as a bittersweet revelation that nothing lasts forever. Recent interviews with Marvel head Kevin Feige indicate that Infinity War and 2019's untitled Avengers 4 will be the last adventures for at least a few heroes that I’ve been with since day one. Realizing that everything has an expiration date seems to be a running theme in my life right now. And then they went and used Alan Silvestri’s score, which immediately took me back to the incredible midnight showing of The Avengers in 2012. It’s difficult thinking that something that has shaped a majority of my adult life is coming to an end (or as much of an end as we'll ever get from these blockbusters).

But as I sat and watched the trailer for the 30^th time and thought about all of the memories I associated with each flick, I thought of a question that my dad asked me the week prior. My dad’s a high school teacher who wanted to show his class a movie before they went on Thanksgiving break. He asked me if Spider-Man: Homecoming played well for the ‘average fan.’ Regardless of what I answered (that it plays very well because at its core it’s a coming-of age story in the vein of a John Hughes picture) I realized that the ‘average fan’ might be intimidated by the density of the lore and lost as to why people are losing their collective shits about a man who grew a beard.

"And get this man a razor."

So for those of you who haven’t been keeping up with the Marvel Cinematic Universe but still want to climb aboard the hype train, here is a quick guide to understanding who that purple guy is, why those colorful gems are important, and who the hell these guys are.

Are you a Star War?

Required Watching

The MCU spans 10 years and 17 movies. I realize that most of you reading this have *lives* and don’t necessarily want to spend the next five months being thrown into the deep end of nerd culture. They say it builds character, but I imagine you’ll mostly just be scarred for a while. With that in mind, here are the six movies that you should see to make sense of Avengers: Infinity War.

The Avengers – Tells the story of how the Avengers became a team, shows the power of two different Infinity Stones (more on those do-dads in a minute), and gives us our first, brief glimpse of Thanos. Plus, it’s just a damn good time. If you would like to read my completely unwarranted opinion of that particular film, click here.

Guardians of the Galaxy – Gives us an introduction to everyone’s favorite group of a-holes and our first real look of Josh Brolin as the Mad Titan. He doesn’t really do much except make idle threats from a chair, but it does indicate that Thanos is an ever-looming danger in the universe. Guardians also gives us a look at the devastating power contained within an Infinity Stone. If you would like to read my completely unwarranted opinion of that particular film, click here.

The Avengers: Age of Ultron – While something of divisive movie among fans, I include Age of Ultron for a few reasons. We have the creation of Vision and the introduction of Scarlet Witch, two mainstays in the MCU and at least one holder of an Infinity Stone. In addition, Age of Ultron takes the time to build/destroy relationships within the Avengers, and you’ll be able to glean a lot more from future movies based on interactions in this one. Plus, we get to see Thanos finally stand up, use his legs, and proclaim that he’s comin’ for dem stones.

Captain America: Civil War – Familiarize yourself with new characters like Black Panther and Spider-Man, while watching a story decidedly NOT about collecting magic space rocks. If The Avengers is getting together and Age of Ultron is maintaining a relationship, then Civil War is unquestionably the divorce. Civil War effectively sets the stage for where the Avengers are geographically, socially, and emotionally when Infinity War hits screens.

Doctor Strange – Included because it seems that based on the trailer, Doctor Strange is going to play a significant role in Infinity War. This movie will give you a good idea of what Strange’s powers are, and the power contained within another Infinity Stone. And it's mostly a good time.

Black Panther – I haven’t seen this movie yet, but aside from it looking incredible, a majority of the Infinity War trailer seems to take place on the outskirts of Wakanda, the nation of the Black Panther. This film is also the final one before Infinity War hits on May 4^th, so I’m sure that there will be some sort of connective tissue hiding somewhere in there. Black Panther hits screens on February 16^th, 2018.

BONUS ROUND – Go and watch the end credits scene in Thor: Ragnarok. From what it looks like, Infinity War takes place a few moments after the end of Ragnarok. If you don’t have time to watch a really fun movie, that scene should be enough to bring you up to speed:

And that’s it! That doesn’t seem so bad, right? Granted, I would argue that the more movies in the MCU you end up watching, the more you’re going to get out of Infinity War, but that’s just one-guy-who’s-too-emotionally-attached-to-everything’s opinion. Now, I mentioned the Infinity Stones as if those little trinkets are common knowledge. If you’re just now joining our cult ranks, I understand that you might be more than a little confused as to what those stones are and what they do. Well go ahead and unfurrow your brows, my simple friends, because the next section is all about…

Where are the Infinity Stones and what do they do?

Let’s say that you actually have important things to do with your time. You can’t possibly fit in watching all six of those critically acclaimed and vastly popular movies between now and May for. . . reasons. That’s just asking far too much from you! For those *productive* folks out there, here is a quick rundown of what those glowing magic rock thingys are.

The Infinity Stones are stones of infinite power (natch). Each one has its own properties and are housed at different locations across the cosmos. They’re also brightly colored and look super cool in Thanos’ Nintendo Power Glove Infinity Gauntlet.

Purple Power Stone – Last seen on the alien planet Xandar in Guardians of the Galaxy, the Power Stone is currently being guarded by the intergalactic police known as the Nova Corps. As per the expositional slide show in the aforementioned film:  “… carriers can use the stone to mow down entire civilizations, like wheat in a field.” Certainly the explody-est of the stones seen thus far, the Power Stone should be heavily guarded and kept from Thanos at all co… OH LOOK! FIRST STONE MOTHERFUCKER HAS IN HIS GLOVE!

Goddamn it, space cops.

Sorry Nova Corps., you’re probably dead.

Blue Space Stone – Also known as the Tesseract, the Space Stone was last seen on Asgard in the recent Thor: Ragnarok in Odin’s treasure room (OR IN LOKI’S POCKET AM I RIGHT?!?). The Space Stone has the ability to transport beings to other realms. For example, in Captain America: The First Avenger, the Red Skull grabs it and is transported (vaporized?) and is never heard from again. Loki uses the Space Stone to create a sky portal for the Chitauri’s Earth invasion. In the trailer, we see Loki presenting the Tesseract to SOMEONE...

While wearing the "I'm so fucked" expression on his face.

...and it appears to be the second stone in Thanos’s gauntlet so… sorry Loki, you’re probably dead.

Yellow Mind Stone – Last seen, technically, in Captain America: Civil War, the Mind Stone currently sits right in the middle of Vision’s dumb forehead.

His dumb, handsome forehead.

Originally housed in Loki’s scepter in The Avengers, the Mind Stone was used to control the minds of various supporting characters, including Hawkeye and Dr. Selvig. In Avengers: Age of Ultron, the titular bad guy Ultron used the Mind Stone to bring Vision to life, resulting in a highly enlightened, if naïve, member of the Avengers. In the trailer, we see Vision scream in agony as the Mind Stone appears to be cut from his head so… sorry Vision, you’re probably dead.

Green Time Stone – Last seen in Doctor Strange, the Time Stone is used to, you guessed it, manipulate time. We’ve seen the powers of the Time Stone used in a couple of different ways so far. The first is basic restoration/degradation, as shown when the good doctor rots and ripens an apple with magic. The other more interesting way is used at the end of the film, when Strange creates a time loop. Committing himself to dying over and over again, Strange ultimately traps and defeats the evil Dormammu by trolling him into the greatest frustration he has ever known.

"Dormammu, I've come to bother!"

Yup, that's the Time Stone around his neck. The Time Stone is being protected by what remains of the Kamar-Taj, so we’ll see if Thanos is able to get his grubby purple fingers on this one.

Red Reality Stone – Last seen in the post-credits scene in Thor: The Dark World, the Reality Stone (Aether) was entrusted to The Collector for safe keeping. However, after receiving the Reality Stone, The Collector ominously mutters:  “One down; five to go.”

The Jack Sparrow of the Marvel Universe.

This could mean any number of things. Did Thanos charge The Collector with obtaining the Stones for his own use? Or is The Collector simply interested in having all six Infinity Stones to himself as part of his collection? More importantly, we don’t really know what the Reality Stone does yet. The Dark Elf Malakeith used the Stone in an attempt to bring “darkness to the universe,” but aside from  being used to achieve that very vague goal, we haven’t seen the true extent of the Stone’s powers. My best guess? Terraforming shortcut in order for Thanos to shape the world in his image (I should write these movies).

Orange Soul Stone - ?????? We haven’t seen the Soul Stone at all yet. The most widely popular theory was that the gatekeeper of Asgard, Heimdall the All-Seeing, was the holder of the Soul Stone, which is why he was able to see ‘souls’ across the nine realms, and why his eyes are that orangey color. It’s certainly still possible, as Heimdall is currently on The Good Ship Lollypop with Thor and Loki at the end of Ragnarok. Could be that Marvel just wanted to wait until Infinity War for him to be horribly murdered and his literal soul harvested.

No idea where that theory came from. No idea at all.

My theory is that the Soul Stone is in Wakanda. Most of the trailer appears to take place outside of the city, and Thanos, presumably, sends an entire goddamn army to wage battle. Seems like a lot of trouble to go through if there is nothing there worth having (besides Vibranium). In the comics, the Soul Stone has the power to ‘absorb souls’ and to ‘peer into the soul’ of a person. Much like the ‘heart’ kid in Captain Planet, the Soul Stone seems pretty useless. We’ll see if Marvel can make it work for the screen.

His name was Ma-Ti. Don't pretend like you remembered that.

So there’s your Legends of the Hidden Temple color palette of powerful space rocks. Story goes that the wielder of the Infinity Gauntlet and all six Infinity Stones will be an unstoppable force in the universe and conquer whatever his or her little heart desires. But what of the wielder? The big, pinkish guy that punches out Iron Man like a horse kicking a toddler? Well…

Thanos, The Mad Titan

Honestly, we don’t know much about this dude yet, except that he’s kind of incompetent and really wants us to think he’s a scary dude who knows what he’s doing and is so powerful that he can’t be bothered to do his own bidding.

Made it almost all the way through without making a Drumpf comparison.

We got our first glimpse of Thanos at the end of The Avengers, when he turned to the camera and gave us a big ol’ dumb smirk (like he’s waiting for you to smell the fart he just ripped).

"Dread it. Run from it. The scent still arrives."

We next saw him in Guardians of the Galaxy when he yells at henchman/disposable villain Ronan the Accuser for not bringing him the Power Stone fast enough. Again, Thanos is shown smirking and doesn’t even bother to get out of his chair. Then, there’s a post-credits scene at the end of Avengers: Age of Ultron in which he grabs his Infinity Gauntlet and says:  “Fine, I’ll do it myself.”

"Sorry, my legs were asleep."

Asshole, we could’a had this movie three years ago if you had gotten outta your chair. Aside from some seriously scary and brutal dialogue in Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 and a glimpse of what appears to be his ship at the end of Ragnarok, things have been pretty quiet on the Thanos front.

Marvel has an uphill battle to convince us that this guy is intimidating. We don’t know why he wants the Stones, we don't know what he would use them for, and there isn’t any indication that we should care about him at all. I’m grateful that directors Joe and Anthony Russo have described Infinity War as Thanos’s movie, but if this dude really is the biggest bad the Avengers have faced, they need to give us a reason to fear him right off the bat. While physically imposing and able to engage in generalized villain banter, there doesn’t seem to be much to suggest that we will be getting a villain in the vein of The Joker or Loki.

There you have it. A bare-bones guide to understanding Avengers: Infinity War. Remember, these are only recommendations. You can cut this one, add that one, watch them in chronological order. My goal and my hope is that you do everything you can to maximize the enjoyment you get out of this movie and the rest of the MCU. I don’t know if the movie is going to reinvent the wheel, be an alright popcorn flick, or be Marvel’s Justice League. All I know is that May 4^th, 2018 can’t come soon enough.

Be kind to each other.

-James