Opportunity Squandered: A Look Back at Guardians of the Galaxy

DAY 10

At last we come to it: the final film in the Marvel Studios collection before Avengers: Age of Ultron opens the flood gates to a new age of comic book movie releases. As the only non-sequel in Marvel’s Phase II thus far (the other being Ant-Man later this year), 2014’s Guardians of the Galaxy had so much to prove. I don’t think there was a single person that thought this movie would be as big of a hit as it was. Questions and skepticism surrounded the release of this movie. Could they make a talking raccoon a realistic character? How would we fall in love with a talking tree whose only line is I am Groot? Could the chubby guy from Parks and Recreation be convincing as a leading man? The answers: yes, easily, and yes. After six years and nine fairly solid movies, I guess we should have given Marvel the benefit of the doubt.

Personal trainers HATE them. Here's why.

By this point, Marvel had become more than just a studio; it was a brand. The difference? Dreamworks is a studio, Pixar is a brand. Like Pixar (I’m sure I’ll get shit for comparing the two), Marvel had become associated with storytelling that was adventurous, funny, and had a surprising amount of heart. Guardians of the Galaxy was not an exception to the brand. Rather, it solidified it. Opening to rave reviews and surprising box office numbers, Guardians helped prove that the folks at Marvel can do whatever the fuck they want to, and we’ll love them for it.

What They Did Right

The Tone

Not since Iron Man has a movie been so conceded and in your face. The amount of swagger that is on display, from the opening dance scene to they “You’re Welcome” tag line on the movie poster gives of a confident attitude and lets the audience know that Guardians doesn’t need our approval. It’s way too cool to care about what anyone thinks. I’m glad it was, because I’m not sure that the movie could have been made any other way. Rocket and Groot are fully realized CGI characters who are both hilarious and illicit genuine tears from the audience.

Except me. I just have really bad allergies. And something in
both of my eyes.

Drax’s inability to understand metaphors and idioms makes for some of the biggest laughs in the flick. Benicio Del Toro as The Collector is weird and eccentric almost to the point of being creepy. The music offers almost as many comedic and emotional beats as the characters themselves. In summation, without this cockiness, I don’t think there would have been much to set this apart from other films in the MCU.

Basically Everything Else

While this may seem like a cop-out, there isn’t anything that I can really add that hasn’t already been said in either reviews for this film or my retrospectives of the other films. I could sit here and write about the jail break, the aerial battles, the little character moments, but I don’t really want to. Partly, because it’s my last retrospective, and partly because as a movie, Guardians of the Galaxy is just fine. It doesn’t really do anything new or inventive, and it is mostly just here to introduce us to the Extended Marvel Universe. More importantly, I look at Guardians the same way I look at Thor: The Dark World. While there is a ton to like, all I can think about right now is what Guardians of the Galaxy could have been. More than any other, this flick epitomizes missed opportunities. Think about it: for a movie that supposedly took SO MANY RISKS, all people talk about coming away from this flick is Baby Groot. So, rather than waste your time trying to sell you into watching a perfectly adequate movie, we’re going to move right along to the things that piss me off.

It's hypnotic in its simplicity.

What They Did Wrong

Sisters

You remember how back in Thor we had a really comprehensive look at Thor’s and Loki’s relationship as brothers? That’s what I was hoping for with Gamora and Nebula. These two are sisters, both stolen from their homes, raised, tortured, modified and trained together by the Mad Titan, Thanos. We get almost none of that in their performances. I love Zoe Saldana in almost everything she is in, and (at the risk of pissing off Guru Maximus), I love Karen Gillan as Amy Pond in Doctor Who (it’s the stories that suck, not her performance!). Their make-up was amazing, their costumes were great, and the actresses were more than capable of bringing real depth to these characters. Instead, we get a shallow interpretation of Gamora and another lame villain (goddamn it!) in Nebula. Speaking of Gamora...

"I didn't eat your damn leftovers!" - Gamora
"Then why do I smell onions on your breath?!" - Nebula

A Female Protagonist, Please

For those of you not paying attention to the same trivial nonsense that I do, there is a lot of headshaking and reprimanding being thrown at Marvel for not diversifying. Ten movies into this universe, and things are looking like a white-washed, sausage party. Our only female hero is Black Widow, who has not gotten her own solo movie yet (a day I hope never comes with Scar Jo as the character). In terms of color, we have War Machine and Falcon, neither of which have shown up outside of the Captain America and Iron Man franchises, respectively.

Pictured: Tax write-offs.

With Guardians of the Galaxy, Marvel had the opportunity to put a female in the lead role and tell Gamora’s tale rather than Star Lord’s (Chris Pratt). It wouldn’t have been too terribly different either. Like Star Lord, Gamora was taken off-world at a young age and lived out her years away from her family. The difference is that her family was killed by Thanos, and she had been genetically modified to be an assassin. Had we focused on her story, we would have gotten better insight into her character, Nebula’s character, and Thanos’ character, without taking anything away from Star Lord. You get what I’m laying down? The movie becomes infinitely better with a female protagonist. Instead, we get stuck with another fast-talking White guy. Speaking of Thanos…

Diversity!

The Lame Villains

God-fucking-damn it, Marvel! Get your shit together! You are getting too old to still be making these mistakes. I’ve already touched on Nebula, but Thanos and Ronan are still fair game. Thanos, after being talked up as the most powerful being in the universe, is relegated to sitting in a floating chair. Sure, he speaks with authority and has a pretty cool speech, but he feels shoehorned into this movie and doesn’t give us any reason to fear him. Blow something up! Lay waste to a planet! Do something! Don’t just sit there like the creepy uncle that Mom wouldn’t leave me alone with!

Uh... mom says not to sit on your lap...

Ronan pisses me off for another reason. I love Lee Pace. To me, he shall forever be the pie-maker. When he was announced as the villain, I was eight kinds of excited. I saw his look, and was nine kinds of excited. Then I watched the movie. And then he died. Touching back on the whole Empire Strikes Back thing, if Marvel’s plan is to use Thanos as The Emperor, then they had an enormous opportunity to make Ronan their Darth Vader. He has a cool look, a decent enough motive for seeking revenge on Zandar, and is a legitimately intimidating dude. Instead, Marvel kills him. What the fuck. Speaking of killing off great actors…

"BUT I STILL HAVE SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE!"

Black Panther

Djimon Hounsou (Korath) gets his own section, because killing him off is one of the worst decisions Marvel has ever made. Like. Right behind casting Scar Jo as Black Widow (take a drink!). Korath is such a nothing part in this movie that they could have saved him for later. Really, all Marvel needed was a character named “General X” and things wouldn’t have changed at all. So why am I so upset at his passing? Because Djimon Hounsou will, forever in my mind, be the perfect casting choice for T’Challa: The Black Panther.

He doesn't even need a costume!

Ever since 2008, when I realized what Marvel was up to, I had hoped that Hounsou’s announcement as the first Black comic book character was right around the corner. I came close with BET’s short-lived Black Panther animated series, for which Hounsou provided the voice of T’Challa. Instead, he gets 3 minutes of screen time and is used for as a punch-line for Drax. Watch 2006’s Blood Diamond and join me in my sorrows, brothers and sisters. Share drink with me, for the king is dead.

"What do you mean this isn't Wakanda?"

*As a side note, I have not seen Chadwick Boseman in anything, and, as such can speak with NO AUTHORITY as to whether or not he will make a good Black Panther.*

Stop Telling Us And Show Us!

It would have been really interesting to see Rocket’s backstory. Or Groot’s backstory. Or Drax’s backstory. Or Gamora’s backstory. You know what’s not interesting? Watching these characters (except Groot) talk about their back stories like their recapping last night’s episode of Game of Thrones around the water cooler in the office. We are WATCHING a movie (you know I’m serious because I used all caps). If I wanted to hear about what had happened, I would have bought the book on tape. Sadly, this isn’t a story about the Guardians. This is a story about Peter Quill, and about how he picks up these characters, characters that are all more interesting than him, along the way. It’s a really disappointing introduction to the extended universe.

"Please? I have stories too, guys..."

Final Thoughts

The more I think about this movie, the more frustrated I get. Guardians of the Galaxy is Marvel’s Frozen. Both are fun, entertaining movies, but both get far more credit than they are due. Guardians gets a ton of praise for taking risks and chances and for having a great sense of humor about itself, but that’s been every Marvel movie up to this point. Remember when we thought Thor couldn’t work? Plus, it wasn’t that risky of a movie. We still start on Earth, we still have the Caucasian Earthling as the primary protagonist, and even the plot is much more formulaic than some of the other films on this list (basically, a really violent version of capture the flag). I think Marvel had a chance to take risks with this film, and ultimately decided to play it safe. I’m not trying to take anything away from it, though. Guardians of the Galaxy is a very entertaining, heartfelt film. It just isn’t the film people make it out to be.

  1. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
  2. The Avengers
  3. Iron Man 3
  4. Iron Man
  5. Guardians of the Galaxy
  6. Captain America: The First Avenger
  7. Thor: The Dark World
  8. Thor
  9. Iron Man 2
10. The Incredible Hulk

END OF DAY 10

That's it folks! All 10 movies! It's been a loooong journey. I feel like I just finished running a marathon. You know, as much I can, considering I jsut spent the last 10 day on a couch. Check back tomorrow. I'll have one final, comprehensive look at the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
#bringbackjustinhammer

Be kind to each other.

-James