DAY 3
The year was 2010. It had been two years since the
generation/genre defining film The Dark
Knight.
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| Fuck you, Social Network. |
Since that masterpiece, the nerd community had been treated to the likes of Watchmen, a flawed but solid flick, Kick-Ass, a movie that was celebrated
for its gratuitous violence (if nothing else), and X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I guess you could say that times were
hard.
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| *Sigh* I tried so hard not to hate you. |
We could only wait and pray that salvation was on the horizon. Iron Man 2, the third entry in Marvel’s Cinematic Universe, was charging
towards its release date in the all the hubris glory of Tony Stark himself.
Marvel’s hope, I imagine, was to claim both the laurels and box office take of The Dark Knight while at the same time redeem itself from the underwhelming The
Incredible Hulk. Instead, they gave us Iron
Man 2. This flick, more than any other, is often referred to as “Marvel’s
misfire,” “Marvel’s mistake,” or, more simply, “a mess of a movie.” While I don’t
disagree that this is one of the weaker Marvel films, I do assert that the
people saying these things need to pull the sticks out of their asses.
What They Did Right
Mostly Everything Up
Until the S.H.I.E.L.D. Exposition
I’ll touch on this more a little ways down, but I feel like
I need to make a stand here. People are so quick to shit on Iron Man 2 that they don’t realize that there is about 75-80% of a really
solid flick in here. Vanko making his own arc reactor, Tony’s introduction at
the Stark Expo (with Shoot to Thrill
playing to the audience!), the Senate hearing, every scene with Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell), the
Mark V “road-rash” suitcase suit and most of that sequence, Vanko’s speech in
prison, the Japanese Garden, War Machine, and Tony’s birthday party are all, in
my mind, pretty amazing moments in a movie that people claim is the worst of the MCU. I don’t necessarily understand why Iron
Man 2 has a reputation of being such an irredeemable movie, but then again,
I’m a Marvel fanboy (duh).
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| This moment alone is worth the price of admission. |
Robert Downey Jr.
First and foremost, I did not talk about this guy nearly
enough in the last post, so I figure I have a pretty big obligation to do so now. Downey has so much to do in this movie. He needs to be charming and
confident, but vulnerable and sensitive. He needs to be hilarious, but also
needs to bring a certain amount of gravity to his performance. Now, one may
point to particular quips or action sequences, but Downey is best when he is
playing sincere. Tony and Pepper fly from Monaco back to the states on his
private jet. Tony knows that the arc reactor in his chest is killing him. He
pleads with Pepper, who is unaware of his condition, to go away with him
somewhere. He doesn’t want to go back to the real world to face his birthday, mortality, or the consequences of Monaco. He just wants to spend his last few days with the woman he loves.
I feel that this is one of the most real-feeling scenes in the entire Marvel
Cinematic Universe, and serves as a reminder to why Robert Downey Jr. is
considered the headliner in every film he is in.
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| Look at all of those rippling acting muscles. |
Justin Hammer
Justin Hammer is the weird kid at the end of the block that
your mom made you play with against your will. Justin Hammer is the student who
always knows more than the college professor because he read a chapter ahead.
Justin Hammer is the guy who speaks with absolute authority on subjects he
knows nothing about. Justin Hammer is easily the best character in the entire
picture. For as cool, intelligent, and sexy as Stark is, Hammer is the complete
opposite. You always get the feeling that he just can’t quite keep up with
Stark in any respect (cars, clothes, women). Sam Rockwell creates the most entertaining
antagonist that we have seen in the MCU thus far (one of the best ever), and steals every scene he is
in. Just watch his entire weapons presentation to Rhodey. If you can make it
through that whole scene without chuckling, you’re probably dead
inside.
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| "I am hilarious and you will quote everything I say." |
I stand by the “75-80% of a good movie” line I gave you up
there, but to expand on any of those moments would just seem a bit redundant
seeing as you can simply pop in the disc and watch the movie. Let’s move on to the things that piss me
right-the-fuck-off.
What They Did Wrong
Scarlett Johansson
I’m a fan with the way Marvel has casted most of its movies,
but Scarlett Johansson is the worst thing to happen to the MCU outside of Edgar
Wright exiting the Ant-Man movie. She
serves no purpose in the movie other than to… be there, I guess. She delivers
every line like she’s reading it off of a cue card she has just seen for the
first time (Spoiler Alert: it never gets any better). “But James,” I hear you
say, “she’s hot, and that’s all that matters! And that fight scene was pretty
kick-ass!” First of all, don’t interrupt me mid-rant, okay? It’s just rude.
Second of all, there are several other actresses that would look just as
gorgeous and be able to act their way
out of a paper bag (fingers still crossed for Stana Katic or Emily Blunt as
recasts in the future). Black widow had the potential of being a multi-layer
character and, from the sound of things, Age
of Ultron makes her as such. However, Scar Jo brings about the same amount
of charisma to the screen as the poster of her you have above your bed.
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| What acting looks like? It literally looks like she's trying really hard to read her next line. |
The Music
A minor gripe, but as someone who has several orchestral soundtracks
on his iPod, I feel like I owe it to myself to draw attention to the score. The
score of Iron Man was comprised
mostly of heavy guitar riffs (supplied by Tom Morello) with an “in-your-face”
attitude. Occasionally, the orchestra would take over, but more often than not
the music felt gritty; gritty to the point of sounding like it was recorded in
some dude’s garage. In contrast, Iron Man
2 relies heavily on orchestral arrangements, making the music sound as sanitized
and generic as the every other superhero movie. This marks a major shift in
both tone and style for the Marvel Universe as a whole.
S.H.I.E.L.D.
Okay, here we go *deep breath.* S.H.I.E.L.D. is the second
worst thing to happen to this movie (see above). After the "Randy’s Donuts" scene, the movie comes to a screeching halt so that Nick Fury can talk to the
audience, at length, about this shady organization that we've only gotten hints about in the last two pictures. Instead of using this time
to further develop Hammer or Whiplash (whom I’ll get to in a minute), the film
makers decide that we need the last 50 years of S.H.I.E.L.D. history, no matter how long it takes. This sets
a bad precedent that, in some critics’ minds, will haunt the rest of Marvel’s
Phase I movies. (Phase I includes
everything from Iron Man (2008) to The Avengers (2012)). Marvel sacrifices
what could have been a very focused and compelling movie in favor of “world
building.” It’s a real shame that this movie has to suffer for the “greater
good” of the MCU. Everything that S.H.I.E.L.D. does in this movie (besides
bringing back Coulson) is a hindrance.
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| Oh, God, even the symbol is enough to make me stop caring. |
New Element
This ties into my S.H.I.E.L.D. complaint. Again, if you
haven’t seen the movie, it’s worth your time to watch it. However, the entire “rediscovering
a new element” scene is, for lack of a better word, stupid. Tony gets a message
from his dead dad (which Downey totally sells) and somehow uses an old model of
the Stark Expo to decode the secrets to the element that will stop his arc
reactor from killing him. I’m not trying to undersell the idea; that’s actually
what happens.
The music tries to convince us that this process is exciting, and
Downey does his best to make sense of the jargon that he’s saying, but overall,
the scene is simply broken. We get it, Marvel. We understand that it’s a movie
about superheroes and that we need to take some things on faith. Yet somehow,
this scene is less believable to me than a giant, blond man wielding a magic
hammer.
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| I give! Shit's too stupid! |
The Lame Villain
You knew it was coming. While I realize that I don’t have to
keep mentioning it, each villain offers a different set of grievances for me to
bitch about. Ivan Vanko (Whiplash) starts out as a character with a relatively
cool design, interesting looking weaponry, and a motivation for killing our
hero that actually makes sense. Then, after his one cool scene, Vanko is
relegated to the shadows, posing no threat to Tony until the last five minutes
of the movie. Much like Black Widow, Vanko is just sort of there. His final
battle scene does him no favors, as his suit of armor basically looks the same
as that of Stane’s, and the CGI used to place his head on the armor is
laughably bad. Once again, Marvel drops the ball.
| Like something from a bad SNL sketch. |
Final Thoughts
I saw this movie at the midnight IMAX screening on, May 7th
2010, two full years after Iron Man hit
screens. The experience was much more pleasurable than that of The Incredible Hulk, as I was able to sit with my
cousins, my brother, and a handful of friends that hadn’t experienced the magic
of a Marvel Midnight Show (which should be experienced at least once in your
lifetime). At the time, I thought that the movie was amazing, that the Thor tag was perfect, and that Marvel
had once again outdone themselves. I knew of the issues people took with the
movie, but I was so blinded by fandom that I refused to hear it. Honestly, this
is the movie I was the most afraid of revisiting. I thought that my fond
memories of the film would have been tainted by hearing nothing but cruel
criticism for the last five years. I’m relived, however, that I can still find
an enjoyable time in the Armored Avenger’s second outing.
1.
2.
3.
4. Iron Man
5.
6.
7.
8.
9. Iron Man 2
10. The Incredible Hulk
While I will defend this movie to the death, selling out a film for the sake of expanding a universe is never the right decision. Confer with your writers, and give us something better.
END OF DAY 3
Thank you to all of my readers! Do you agree with my ranking? Are there any great moments or errant flaws that I missed? Why isn't Sam Rockwell in more stuff? Was I too hard on Scar Jo? Let me know in the comments below! #bringbackjustinhammer
Be kind to each other.
-James
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