DAY 7
The world was set on fire by 2012’s The Avengers, and all of the other movie studios were fighting to keep pace. Suddenly, Universal, Paramount, Warner Brothers, 20th Century Fox and Sony were all trying to replicate Marvel’s success by
announcing their own interconnected universes. For better or worse, Marvel had changed the way studios would approach franchise film making forever. But while the other studios struggled to get their universes off the ground, the question Marvel now faced was what would come next.
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| How cute, they think they can catch up! |
I guess it's fitting that the franchise that kick started the MCU would also be the first film in Marvel's Phase II. Iron Man 3 soared into theaters on May 3rd, 2013. While the movie was a box office success and garnered fairly positive reviews, Iron Man 3 is the most divisive movie in Marvel's collection. Nerds argued for hours about the suits, the twist, the plot holes and the ending until Man of Steel was released later that year (at which point, nerds argued about that).
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| Turns out the "S" stood for "Shitty Movie." |
Who's right and who's wrong is all subjective, but to me, Iron Man 3 stands as one of the strongest entries into the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
What They Got Right
I’m A Visionary, But
I Do Own A Maniac
So, I’m going to get this out of the way, right off the bat:
the Mandarin twist is one of the top seven (random number) moments in the Marvel Cinematic
Universe. I know that there quite a few of you out there that sensed a
disturbance in the force and are currently sharpening your torches and lighting
your pitchforks, but to this group I say: go fuck yourselves. You are living in
Fairytale Land if you think that this movie “ruined” The Mandarin. Newsflash,
kiddies: The Mandarin was NEVER a great villain. He
started off as a very racist caricature meant to personify our fear of the
Chinese during the cold war era, and his evolution pretty much ends there.
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| Iron Man forgot to pay his dry-cleaning bill. |
It’s
not like they were ruining The Joker or The Green Goblin. Marvel took a
character that, literally, nobody cared about before his involvement with the
movie and gave him a tweak that nobody saw coming.
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| "Told you so!" |
However, that’s not enough, right? We’re nerds! We have an
unmatched sense of entitlement! We want to have our cake and eat it, too (which
is a stupid phrase, of course I want to eat the cake you gave me)! Well guess
what? Marvel still gives us The Mandarin with the inclusion of Aldrich Killian.
Tony says right it right at the beginning. “The Mandarin: An ancient Chinese
war mantel meaning advisor to the king.” The Mandarin, historically, is the one pulling the
strings, which is exactly what Killian is doing. He creates the king, gives him
power, and tells him exactly what to say and do. In addition, he can cut apart
armor with his bare hands, is borderline immortal, and (stupidly) breathes
fire. But you’re right, nerd-community, Iron Man 3 ruined The Mandarin.
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| Admittedly, subtlety is not Marvel's strong suit. |
Look, the reason that Demon in a Bottle is considered the best Iron Man story arc in the comics is
because Iron Man has pretty lame villains (read my other retrospectives). Tony Stark
is the most interesting when he is battling his own demons, which is the opportunity that The Mandarin provides him in Iron
Man 3. If you don’t like the twist because you think it’s a lame storytelling
convention or because you think it somehow undermines the message of the film,
there isn’t much I can do to change your mind. However, if you think Marvel
somehow disservices the character of The Mandarin, run back and stare at Leto's Joker for another 6 hours. These posts clearly aren't for you.
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| All snark aside, I'm really interested to see what he does. |
Also, I’m sorry I told you to fuck yourselves.
(Don’t) Call The
Avengers
I went back and read something I wrote in 2012, right after
the release of The Avengers. One of
the questions I asked was about how these separate universes could continue to
exist now that everyone knew that each other existed. You don’t think Tony
would give Cap a cell phone just in case he needed to get a hold of him? Each of
the films in Phase II of the Marvel Cinematic Universe handles this problem a
little bit differently. For Tony, calling the other Avengers was,
psychologically, not an option. Tony is clearly shaken by the events of The Avengers, and the mere mention of
the Battle of New York is enough to induce a panic attack. Why exactly would he want to call the people whose appearances would freak him out? More importantly, Tony doesn’t feel like he
needs the Avengers anymore. Since the Battle of New York, Tony has built 36 new suits
to combat any situation he can think of. There is no reason to involve the rest
of the team. He can handle it. While there are, no doubt, those that disagree, Director Shane Black and the folks at Marvel do a fairly good job of explaining away the
Avengers problem.
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| In retrospect, not calling the Avengers may have been a poor choice. |
Tony Stark
Remember back in 2008, when nobody complained about the lack of Iron Man in Iron Man? I miss those
days. One of the biggest complaints that I hear about Iron Man 3 is that there just isn’t enough Iron Man. But to me, the
stories were never about Tony with the suit. These movies were all about who Stark
was without it. This notion plagues Stark through the entirety of the film. By Iron Man 3, the suits have become both a
crutch and an anchor for Stark. He can hardly function without them, and he
begins to seriously question his identity when his armor becomes unavailable.
It is during this film and these scenes that Tony Stark comes to the apex of
his characterization. He becomes the man he was in the cave, relying on his genius,
rather than his suits, to cover his ass. Whether it's creating a repulsor from spare parts in a garage or making explosives using Christmas ornaments, Stark proves that he is still a force to be reckoned with. By the end of the film, Stark comes to
the realization that it doesn’t matter how many suits he has. It doesn’t matter
if everything is taken away from him. Tony Stark will forever be Iron Man.
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| Dude ages like a fine wine, I swear to God. |
The Action
After The Avengers,
it was hard to imagine any set pieces that could measure up to the Battle of
New York. In some ways, nothing has. However, Director Shane Black and the
folks at Marvel decided that things don’t always have to be bigger. Instead,
things needed to be more creative and have higher emotional stakes. While the Malibu Dream House attack strikes an emotional chord and the
Thousand Suits a Minute battle is both entertaining and imaginative, it is the
Prison Break scene that is by far the most fun. Armed with only a gauntlet and
a boot, Stark must somehow fight his way out of dungeon of armed goons. The humor is great, the cinematography is fluid, and the
sequence is one of the coolest scenes in the MCU. This scene proves that less is sometimes more.
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| Tony forgets the safe word and has to fight his way out. |
I stand at a crossroads. While I would love to sit here and
try to convince you why Iron Man 3 is
one of the strongest entries into the MCU, I understand that the film isn’t for
everyone and know that nearly everything I say will fall on deaf ears. Since my goal of these retrospectives was not to persuade, but rather
to have fun, I’ll go ahead and move right on to the things that piss me off.
What They Did Wrong
A Missed Opportunity
I wish that Pepper Potts (Gwenyth Paltrow) would have died.
I like the character, I like Paltrow as the character, and I’m glad that she
gets a fairly solid ass-kicking scene at the end of the movie. However, with Iron Man 3, Marvel begins to trek down a
dangerous road. I’m just gonna make a list of the people who have “died” and
come back in the MCU thus far: Loki, Pepper Potts, Phil Coulson, Loki again,
Groot, and Nick Fury. Just like the comics, nobody is staying dead. If they were going to bring everyone back to life, at least give us a Marvel Zombies. Can you imagine the MCU without Pepper? Tony, having
lost her, would have killed Killian in a blind rage, retreated further into
himself, and given us a fascinating, broken man in Avengers: Age of Ultron. Rather than creating Ultron to retire, he would be creating it as a result of not being able to protect Pepper. Instead, Marvel chooses to play it safe and brings Pepper back. I guess only the villains stay dead, huh?
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| Why won't you die?!? |
You Can Breathe Fire
Just… it’s one of those things that bugs me for having no
purpose. Killian breathes fire once in the whole movie. It’s not a set-up for
anything; it doesn’t play some super important role later in the film. He
breathes fire for that one scene, Rhodey acknowledges that he can breathe fire,
and that’s it. It’s just dumb for the sake of dumb.
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| "I SAID MILD SALSA! MILD!" |
Maya Hansen
I have a special area in my brain dedicated to all sorts of
trivia that will never be useful in the real world (but I'm awesome at bar trivia!). I can remember character
names, theme songs, exact quotes, and even camera movements for almost every movie
or TV show I have seen. Yet, despite my Mind Palace of Trivial Nonsense, I
could not, for the life of me, remember Rebecca Hall’s character’s name in Iron Man 3. Maya Hansen really serves no
purpose in this movie other than to give a speech about scientific ideology.
Her character is bland, pointless, and, in most cases, could be replaced by
Killian to enhance the story. I will honestly be surprised if I remember her
in a week. Marvel continues the tradition of introducing a character, giving
the character five minutes of screen time, and killing the character off. But
don’t worry. I’m sure she’ll be back with her own TV show soon.
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| Tuesdays at 8 on ABC. |
I know people take issue with the House Party Protocol, why the suits fit everyone universally, and why Tony would give out his address to a terrorist on national television. I could argue why these things make sense
and how these moments strengthen the movie, just as I’m sure you could argue
why these moments make Iron Man 3 the
*zo-mg-worstest-movie-in-the-evers-lawls.* At the end of the day we’re just going to
have to agree to disagree. Plus, I’m seven movies in; give me a fucking break.
Final Thoughts
I saw Iron Man 3
several times in the theaters, and remember enjoying it each time I watched it.
However, I really connected with this movie when I sat down to watch it for
this retrospective. I identify with Tony a lot more now than I did when I first
saw the flick. See, I went from being a full time student and working 45 hours
a week at a job I hated to having absolutely nothing to do with my time. For an entire week, I took a long introspective look, trying to figure out who I was, who I am, and who
I wanted to be. Then, I created I’m
Probably Wrong and started working on my 10 Day Marvel Challenge. I
realized that I am the same person I’ve always been: the silly, self-deprecating asshole with delusions of grandeur. It doesn’t matter that I don’t have a job or I’m not going
to school, because my identity isn’t attached to those types of things. Like Stark, you can take
away my house, all my tricks and toys, but the one thing you can’t take away –
I am Iron Man.
1.
2. The Avengers
3. Iron Man 3
4. Iron Man
5.
6. Captain America: The First Avenger
7.
8. Thor
9. Iron Man 2
10. The Incredible Hulk
You mad, bro?
END OF DAY 7
Down to the wire, folks, with only 3 movies left and Ultron right around the corner! Thank you to all of my readers! Do you agree with my ranking? Are there any great moments or errant flaws that I missed? Do you think that Marvel ruined The Mandarin? Are you going to march to my house and chase me up a windmill for this one? Let me know in the comments below!
#bringbackjustinhammer
Be kind to each other.
-James
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