If you had approached me nine years ago and said: “Hey kid! One
of the most recognizable movie franchises is going to star the fat dude from Parks and Rec and feature a talking
space raccoon!” I would have probably replied: “Okay crazy person, here’s money
for booze; please don’t stab me,” because that is the only scenario that would
have made sense at the time. In the aftermath of Guardians of The Galaxy, Chris Pratt became a leading man for high
profile blockbusters, the Guardians got their own ride at Disneyland, and ‘I Am
Groot’ became a household phrase by people who had never picked up a comic book
in their lives. I know that there is a certain subsection of the fandom that gets butt-hurt because the real fans have
been around forever and only real fans
have a right to enjoy these movies on any real
level. Really. To those people, I’d
like to say that citrus really burns if gets in your pee-hole so please be
careful while fucking that cantaloupe you microwaved. I’d also like to politely
remind you that the more people that see these movies, more movies like this
get made so please SHUT THE FUCK UP. There is no denying that the general
public fell in love with this particular brand of a-holes, and it fell hard.
 |
| And really, how could you not? |
Gearing up for Guardians
of the Galaxy: Vol. 2, director James Gunn had a massive task on hand. He
had to somehow recapture the magic, goofiness, and spontaneity of the original while
still giving us something that felt fresh. And with the abolishment of TheCreative Committee, there was no external boogeymen to blame any missteps on
this time. It all rested on the shoulders of the creatives. Whether or not they
succeeded in surpassing or even matching the original really comes down to the
viewer. I know it sounds like a cop-out, but if you don’t like my take, write
your own blog. Being freed of The Committee’s rule meant that Gunn
got to make the exact movie he wanted to make, which included sacrificing things
like the ‘ticking clock’ plot (‘We have to do da thing before the bad guy does
da other thing!’) and most of the links to the rest of the MCU in favor of
adding some much needed character work (YAY!). However, despite these radical
changes, Vol. 2 feels too self-conscious
to follow through on the aspirations that Gunn is clearly reaching for. Let's take a look.
What Works
Sister Act
I am a sucker for a good sibling story; it’s probably why I
like the Thor movies more than I ought to. It’s astounding to me that there is another
person (in my case multiple people) that you share a majority of your life with
that has a completely different outlook on experiences you’ve shared. Look, we’re
all the heroes in our own stories, right? We are the kindest, the most
altruistic, the strongest, the smartest, and the best looking. Yet what you see
as kind, they see as condescending; altruism becomes penance, strength becomes
relentlessness, intelligence becomes arrogance. The stories that we tell to
bring ourselves up are sure to have omissions and embellishments that our
brothers and sisters would have no qualms about calling us out on. Sibling
relationships are complicated and messy, and when done correctly, can be some
of the more fascinating stories that grace the silver screen.
 |
| SOOOOOOON |
The relationship between Gamora and Nebula is one such story. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I wanted this relationship expanded on in Vol. 1, and I’m beyond grateful that we gain greater insight into this sibling rivalry. Between Vol. 1 and Vol. 2, we have Nebula set up for us as an unhinged sadist and sociopath bent on destroying her sister for… jealousy. Jealousy over what or whom, we don’t know. We just know that there’s bad blood. Conversely, we have Gamora presented to us as the one brave enough to rebel against her father to save the galaxy! Yay Gamora! You suck Nebula! But then we get to the cave, and everything tilts. Nebula reveals that she is the way she is because of Gamora’s unwillingness to yield in battle, causing Thanos (who is the most intimidating he’s ever been) to pull her eye from her head, her brain from her skull, and her arm from her body. Gamora tries to reframe the circumstances by claiming she was trying to survive, but Nebula tells her “I just wanted a sister!” This scene breaks my heart and does wonders to give Nebula some much-needed depth. Further, it reshapes the relationship between the two, and hopefully reshapes what the audience thinks of Gamora. Nothing is ever as clear cut as it seems to be, and I always have fun asking who the actual hero and villain of the story is. This arc is easily my favorite part of the movie.
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| Hugs fix everything. |
Mary Poppins, Ya’ll
Am I the only one disappointed that the teaser for Mary Poppins Returns didn’t end with a silhouette
of Yondu floating down to London?
 |
| One day, my dreams will come true... one day... |
All joking aside, Yondu is undeniably the most important
character in the movie, and just like Mary Poppins, came to help a family in
need. Yondu is able to call Rocket on his shit by drawing a direct parallel
between himself and the Trash Panda. It starts when they’re locked up on the
Ravager ship when neither asshole can actually own up to the fact that they
love Quill; that they love belonging somewhere. Then, right before plunging into
Ego, Yondu calls out Rocket for making the same mistakes he has, and uses himself
as a cautionary tale for ending up alone. The connection that forms organically
between the two rogues makes it all the more poignant when Yondu *sniff* nope, can’t do it yet.
 |
| Don't start because if you... then I'm... It's just going to be a fucking mess... |
For Vol. 2, the theme that most people latch onto is creating a family in the absence of one’s own. Not since Toby Maguire told Uncle Ben to stop pretending to be his father have we gotten a more… *sniff*… have we gotten a more moving understanding of what it means to be a father; what it means to be a daddy. Yondu made some mistakes, what with threatening to eat Quill and all, but he saved Quill from living out his days as a battery. He taught Quill how to survive on the mean streets of space. He….
 |
| Keep it together... |
He gave up his suit and sacrificed himself so that his boy
could live. I’m friends with a lot of parents, I work with a lot of parents,
and while they like to bitch and complain on the Instagrams, I know that they
would do the same for their own children in an instant. It’s not a leap to
suggest that while Vol. 1 was about
Quill dealing with the loss of his mother, Vol. 2
was very much about Quill realizing that he did not grow up without a father.
And much like Vol. 1 ending with
Quill listening to the mix tape left by his mother, Vol. 2 ends with…
 |
| DAMN IT! |
ENDS WITH QUILL LISTENING TO THE MUSIC THAT HIS DADDY LEFT
HIM ON A ZUNE! POETIC SYMMETRY!
 |
| Good-bye Mary Poppins! We'll miss you! |
Excuse me, I need to go call my
dad.
Some Weird Shit
As much as I loved the bizarre visuals of Doctor Strange, I can’t help thinking
that Vol. 2 outdid the Sorcerer
Supreme. I guess it’s bound to happen when the crux of the third act is
fighting a living planet. The color scheme and oddities of Ego before everything goes bonkers is
essentially a Dr. Seuss page with the vividness settings dialed up to 11;
possibly more acid? It’s hard to say. It’s weird and fun… but just a little
off. Once they drill into Ego and see the planet’s… innards (?)... things get
even more fucked up. A giant Pac-Man vs. a giant Kurt Russell, various
tentacles protecting Master Control Program, and Kurt Russell Dr. Manhattan-ing
himself back together in the most horrific way possible.
 |
| Between this and Handy-Hands, I will never sleep well again. |
As before, Marvel is taking the action tropes we’ve come to expect and just moving them a little bit to the left. Setting the opening action to Mr. Blue Sky is a stroke of genius unto itself, but it’s even more impressive that our heroes are tasked to fight The Abilisk and we don’t get to see any of it! Instead, we are treated to a happy little dancing Groot as we try to make out the carnage in the background.
 |
| It's too adorable to kill! |
It’s a fun way to set the tone of the flick and shift the
action from TOTAL DESTRUCTION to a comedic dance number. And sure, they repeat
the gag in the wonderful tape scene, but I don’t think the repeat diminishes
either of the moments. More than that, this is perhaps the last time that we
get a different take on a major fight scene in the MCU.
I AM TRULY NOT ALONE!
Ego screams this line right at the end of explaining his
evil plan, which basically boils down to ‘expanding’ his consciousness across
every planet in the galaxy. Look, I understand some of the complaints lobbied
against Ego as a villain, alright? About how his motivations don’t rise above
‘control everything.’ But this line… this line is important in defining what
drives Ego, and is representative of the fear of isolation that drives each of
the characters in this movie. Chronologically, it has been confirmed the Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 takes
place around three to six months after the events of the original, meaning that the team
is still new and trying to feel each other out. It also means that all of the
baggage that they have been dealing with isn’t magically thrown out the window.
Quill still doesn’t quite know where he belongs, which is why it’s so easy for
him to trust and follow Ego after arriving on his planet. Rocket is so broken
that he intentionally pushes people away because he figures they’re going to
leave him anyway. Even smaller characters like Kraglin rejoins Yondu after
realizing how alone he feels with the surviving Ravagers, and Mantis finds and
greater purpose after finding a connection with others.
 |
| Seriously, watch the movie for this guy. |
One by one, each of the characters realizes that they aren’t as alone as they thought. Gamora reunites with Nebula, Drax discovers a new friend in Mantis, and Rocket and Quill realize that they had all the family that they needed all along. AWWWWWW. I know it’s a little corny, but it’s cool to me that the villain of the movie is suffering from the same insecurities and dealing with the same fear as our heroes, and is ultimately brought down because the Guardians can rely on each other. They're truly not alone.
 |
| That's fucking teamwork! |
What Doesn’t
Drax the… Worst. Just
the Worst
Remember when I said the movie feels self-conscious? One
need look no further than the jokes. Some of the humor is so bad in this movie
that it nearly ruins the entire experience for me. The ideas and
characterization that Gunn is trying to deliver are astounding, but the film is
ultimately bogged down because we have to stop the train for some forced humor!
Jokes about nipples! Jokes about dicks! Jokes about peeing! Jokes about fruit!
 |
| HILARITY! |
If half of these jokes landed, it would be a completely different story, but the onslaught of bad humor is unrelenting. What’s worse is that it undercuts emotional or weighty beats for seemingly no reason. Gamora and Quill go for a walk to discuss whether or not Ego can be trusted. Better cut to Kurt Russell taking a piss! Mantis has some very important information to give to Drax. Better have an extended scene of Drax dry-heaving for a very minor pay off! For a franchise that is known for its zingers and chemistry between the leads, a lot of this movie felt almost felt like watching amateur improv.
 |
| "Name a body part!" "Wiener!" "Name a location!" "Forest!" "Okay! here's a scene about a wiener in the forest!" |
You’re better than this, guys. At least, I thought you were
better than this. Maybe I should revisit the first Guardians again… Oh, and since I brought up Drax, let’s go ahead
and talk about that guffawing idiot.
In the first film, Drax is set up as a powerful, stoic
character that doesn’t understand metaphors. He was the best part of the movie
for a lot of people; I still quote the ‘My reflexes are too fast’ bit. Drax
inappropriately laughs ONCE when our
heroes are boarding Ronan’s ship, and it works because he has been a solemn character
up until that point. In Vol. 2,
laughing is Drax’s defining trait and he does it for every
Fucking
Moment
 |
| PUTTING IN A LAUGH TRACK DOES NO MAKE SOMETHING FUNNY! |
I think if Gunn and Company had taken
any time to give Drax something resembling an arc, I might have been able to
give his case of the giggles a pass. And again, inserting these flat-falling
moments make it seem like the movie does not have enough confidence to deliver
a message without tagging some sort of gag to it. I really hope they can fix
Drax and the humor in Avengers: Infinity
War and Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol.
3, because it made this flick nearly unbearable.
… But I will stand by that tape scene to the end of my days.
Final Thoughts
For a moment, I thought about ending this saying something
pithy about how much you like this movie depends on how much you like these
characters, as that’s what’s been circulating around the web since this movie
was released. Then I remembered the car ride home. After the movie,
I talked mostly about what I discussed here: the improved character dynamics,
the off-center action scenes, Kraglin’s reaction to Quill giving him Yondu’s
arrow (seriously, that scene kills me). And as I talk, my wife listens, because she’s the best human being I’ve
ever met. After I say my peace, she pauses a beat before saying: “I need to see
it again because you saw an entirely different movie than I did.” That was the
coolest thing to hear; not because I watch movies any better or worse than she
does, but because this person that I joined my life to until I eventually choke
to death on a corndog had a completely different experience with the same
event. I realized that this movie wasn’t really about liking or disliking the
characters. This movie is the tree on Dagobah: all that’s in there is what you
take with you. I connect because I have an estranged sibling. I connect because
I feel that detachment with my parents. I connect because I occasionally feel
like I don’t belong anywhere. The wife doesn’t connect with the movie in the
same way that I do, and that’s cool. Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 is
not the best movie to everyone, but it is the best movie to someone. I think
that’s enough.
So where does Guardians
of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 rank in my list of MCU Films?
1. Captain
America: The Winter Soldier
2. The
Avengers
3. Captain
America: Civil War
4. Iron Man 3
5. Iron Man
6.
Guardians of the Galaxy
7. Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2
8. Captain
America: The First Avenger
9. Avengers:
Age of Ultron
10. Thor
11. Thor
12. Doctor Strange
13. Ant-Man
14. Iron Man 2
15. The Incredible
Hulk
End
Well that was fun! Tune
in next week for a look at Spider-Man: Homecoming!
In the meantime, if you like what I’m writing, please like, comment, and share
these lil’ guys. They love to be read! I’m now on the tweeties @TheJamesBrock
and on Instagram… also thejamesbrock. Still no idea of how these things work.
Ladies and gentlemen,
every once in a while, you have the pleasure of meeting someone truly spectacular;
spectacular because their heart, mind, body, and soul are so in sync that they
are only capable of doing good in this world. My friend Kono is one such
person. He is trying to participate in the AIDS Lifecycle: a 545 mile bike
ride over seven days from Northern to Southern California in order to raise
money and awareness for the fight against AIDS and HIV. Sadly, my friend is
still about $1500 away from his goal. This is where you come in. Should you
have the money and the inclination, please click here to read his bio and
donate. If you can’t donate, please share his page and pass the message along.
Until next time...
Be kind to each other.
-James
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